Tolkien Fan Fiction
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| Come all ye Fellowship of Nine, Let nothing you dismay: For Frodo took the Ruling Ring Though he knew not the way; To save us all from Sauron's power He cast it quite away, O tidings of comfort and joy, (Middle-earth's saved), O tidings of comfort and joy. From Minas T. by way of Bree Mithrandir riding came, And unto Elrond's Council Brought tidings of the same; The Ring that Bilbo claimed he'd won From Gollum in some game Was the One that brings nor comfort nor joy (Just death and despair), Was the One that brings nor comfort nor joy. "O woe is me", Lord Elrond cried, As darkness filled the room, (Agh burzum-ishi krimpatul Had plunged them all in gloom); "A Fellowship must take the thing And chuck it in Mount Doom; Hardly tidings of comfort or joy (Still, off you all go,) Hardly tidings of comfort or joy." So led by Strider they went South That fateful Yuletide day; The Hobbits very seldom lunched And shivered all the way; And only Bill the Pony munched Contentedly on hay; O tidings of comfort and joy (If only for Bill) O tidings of comfort and joy. They came to frozen Caradhras The Dimrill Stair to find, But could not take the Redhorn Pass Through tempest, storm and wind; Still, Legolas could walk on snow And cold he did not mind; Minor tidings of comfort and joy (Or just a smug git) Minor tidings of comfort and joy. The rivalry twixt Elf and Dwarf Did drive their comrades mad; For Dwarf thought Elf too full of self And Elf found Gimli sad; At last in fair Lothlórien A truce of sorts was had; O tidings of comfort and joy (Thank goodness for that...) O tidings of comfort and joy. At Parth Galen they got split up, "Quick, Merry!" Pip did cry; "We're going to have to run like fun, Leave Boromir to die; Oh no! We're being kidnapped by Those filthy Uruk-hai! Not tidings of comfort or joy (I want to go home) Not tidings of comfort or joy." "Fear not!" the Ent called Treebeard cried, "Hoom, hom! We'll put things right; The Ents will march to Isengard And give the Orcs a fright; Just watch us deal with Saruman, That smarmy wizard white!" O tidings of comfort and joy (And even hoom, hom) O tidings of comfort and joy. The Men of Rohan hot pursued To Helm's Deep riding came, And found both Elf and Dwarf engaged In quite a gory game; Cried Legolas, "Two dozen severed Orc-heads to my name! O tidings of comfort and joy (I'll beat that Dwarf yet,) O tidings of comfort and joy!" The ageing Steward, Denethor, Was mourning Boromir, And sad to find, had lost his mind From too much Palantír; So went and barbecued himself And nearly Faramir. Still, tidings of comfort and joy (Faramir's saved); Still, tidings of comfort and joy. They'd won the Field of Pelennor And yet there was no rest; For to the Black Gate straight did ride The Captains of the West; They must distract the Lidless Eye From its unwanted guest. No tidings of comfort or joy (They're all gonna die); No tidings of comfort or joy. But to the One sing praises, For Sam and Frodo they Just made it to the Cracks of Doom And threw the Ring away; Remember though 'twas Gollum who Did truly save the day! O tidings of comfort and joy (And nine fingers left) O tidings of comfort and joy! |