Reviewer:JunoMagic Date:06/10/05
That is a beautiful beginning. Where is the rest?
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[2] Flickers by:Meril
Reviewer:Dawn Felagund Date:06/14/05
I am not a big fan of drabbles because few people can express something worthwhile in so few words. This piece, however, was beautiful. I have always thought that the romance between Nerdanel and Fëanor is one of the most intriguing in The Silmarillion: As different as they are, it is hard to understand what could have caused so keen an attraction, but I have always believed that their love must have been very powerful. You capture all these things in few words!
The only suggestion I can offer pertains to two words: "aggressively opinionated." This hung me up every time I read it. I think my unease with this stems from two things: 1) It is too "telling;" it is better to show details about the characters and let the readers draw their own conclusions, and 2) adverbs tend to be the weakest part of speech and should only be used when they are conveying information that would be surprising, given the verb they are modifying. So "meekly opinionated" might work, but "aggressively opinionated" is redundant and (pardon the bad cliche) stands out like a sore thumb in such a short piece of writing. I would suggest changing it to either "aggressive and opinionated" or eliminating one or the other altogether.
I also have mixed feelings about the emphasis at the end. Your words are powerful enough without needing emphasis, and putting it in there anyway almost conveys an insecurity: "I feel the need to tell you, the reader, that you are supposed to pay extra-close attention to these last lines." You don't need that; the last lines are great.
Once again, this is a beautiful piece. Best wishes and keep writing!
Dawn Felagund
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